Why I refer to animals in the class Aves by their common names whenever possible

It is my contention that, when naming a kid's genitalia, you should choose something that is a nonsense word - or, at least, a word that isn't in every-day use.

You should CERTAINLY not choose a word that is in the top 500 most common words in the english (or whatever happens to be your native) language!!!

I, poor lass, was victim of this parenting (grandparenting?) misstep.

So, what did I call my vagina?
bird

According to my mom, there was no good reason for this other than that's what my grandmother called it. Also, according to my brother, that's what they called his equipment as well. Now, for some reason the term makes kinda some sense in reference to the whole male set-up (I mean, has anyone ever seen a turkey's waddle or the pink part of a flamingo beak?).

Anyway, I contend that I have been traumatized. The height of the trauma was my junior year of high school. That fall, our theater department performed Nunsense. Now, I applaud Dan Goggins for writing a script that was seemingly tailor-made for the girls we cast. Amy Cuzzort, if I remember correctly, was Sister Hubert, along with some girl I can't remember playing Sister Julia.

The gist of the play is that some nuns are trying to raise money by putting on a variety show. One of the acts is a cooking segment, and Sisters Julia & Hubert kind of freestyle their way through the segment. Finally they come upon a decent recipe to do - turkey stuffing.

The line "Put your bird in the oven" still gives me the uh-oh feeling to this day.

BONUS AWESOME NUNSENSE LINE: